“Everyone has something. This is yours. Each life has a defining crisis.”
Leggy: I’ve had Strangers on my list for the longest time because I heard about it on some podcast. I was on the waiting list for so long and surprisingly it checked out to me the month my book club decided to read it.
Taynement: I’ve seen it everywhere and you told me to read it. So, I did! I found it to be a quick read. As a summary, the book is by Belle Burden who tells the story of how at the beginning of the pandemic she finds out that her husband has been cheating on her.
Leggy: Yes, it is a very quick and compelling read. I thought her writing was really good for a first-time writer. Also, it was like a mystery book where the mystery never gets solved which I liked because I think that’ s just life. We’re never going to know the whys of everything that happens to us.
Taynement: It’s crazy because she found out from the husband of the woman he was cheating with. He left a voicemail letting her know. Almost sounds like fiction till you remember it’s a memoir.
Leggy: Her husband’s reaction to the whole thing was also so fascinating to me. First, begging her for forgiveness and then waking up and deciding to leave her. I think his first reaction was a knee jerk reaction. And then he went to bed, thought about it and decided this was his chance to leave the marriage. He realized he actually didn’t want to be married anymore.
Taynement: That was the great mystery of this book. What was the motivation? Why?
Leggy: I think when you’re first caught in a lie your first instinct is to make it better. But later, when you think about it, you feel like you know what? I actually don’t care. I no longer want to be in this. Did you expect the book to solve that mystery?
Taynement: Up to a certain point. Then I realized she genuinely didn’t know why he left. It’s fascinating that she still doesn’t have an answer till now. I’m interested in knowing his line of reasoning for wanting to keep that to himself.
Leggy: I actually think he doesn’t know why.
Taynement – Hmm. That’s tough to reconcile. There has to be a reason to not want to be with your wife or be an active participant in your children’s lives. The way he moved was very bizarre even if he fell out of love, that’s at least a reason but the way he handled it was insane.
Leggy: He was very cruel. I think there are certain lies you tell someone just because you loved them at some point and the fact that he wasn’t even willing to do that is insane. Also, this whole book is why I cannot stand the whole “soft girl” movement on social media. I think the life of dependency we’re promoting to young girls is ridiculous. Oh, just turn off your brain and let him lead. You have no idea after 20 years what your husband makes at work? This is the future we’re setting up young girls for.
Taynement: To that effect, I think it’s because she comes from money and money was never going to be an issue for her. Not included in the book was her actual net worth.
Leggy: Her story is not unique to any social class. There are thousands of women who are not rich or white who have this exact same story. No difference. I’ve heard people admit to buying houses in their husbands’ names just because she wanted him to feel like the man even when they contributed nothing towards the house. This story is not unique in any way. I have friends who don’t know what their husbands make at work and none of them have trust funds.
Taynement: Part of her blind trust was in purchasing their home with her money and basically relinquishing decision making to him.
Leggy: She was a lawyer and got advised by her lawyers not to sign that prenup but she acted like she couldn’t even comprehend the language of a standard legal document. When she kept saying it could happen to anyone, I kept thinking – yes, a man leaving you could happen to anyone but the rest of it I don’t agree can. The rest of it was in her control.
Taynement: You seem annoyed by her.
Leggy: I just see her as the culmination of all the trad ideas social media now pushes. I think this book came out at the right time. “Oh, why did our mothers fight to work” because dumb ass, this is your future. You think they didn’t already try these ideas and recognized that they don’t work? Also, you’re a stay-at-home wife while every single person in your life worked including your older stepmother who was paying your children’s school fees, and you never thought to yourself – where is his money going?! While I thought this book was extremely well written, fair to all parties involved and very vulnerable, I couldn’t help feeling angry at her justifications of her choices. What did you think of how she decided to be honest about the breakup?
Taynement: Her stepmother paying the children’s school fees was wild to me. She definitely wanted to make her husband’s life easier. One less thing for him to worry about. The honesty about the breakup is something else I was fascinated by. She grew up in a “don’t share our dirty laundry” and old money family. Was it really cathartic or was it a fuck you to him? Speaking of her family, it took me a minute to recognize her grandmother was THE Babe Paley. For those who don’t know, she was part of the high society swans who were famously outed by Truman Capote. Ryan Murphy recently did a TV series and she was played by Naomi Watts. There were other connections too – her stepmom famously dated Charlie Rose for 18 years. They broke up because he was accused of sexual misconduct.
Leggy: I’m going to adopt that honesty thing going forward. I think so often we carry the shame of what men have done as if it says something about us. Like we were not good enough and that’s why he cheated. I want to become the person who says “We broke up because he cheated”. Like why is it on me to keep the secrets of your bad behavior?
Taynement: The truth will set you free. Ha ha. When she wondered if this was a generational thing and would her daughter do the same thing?
Leggy: Yes, when she was talking about the history of women in her family being cheated on and it reminded me of Lemonade by Beyonce so much. Where Beyonce reads those poems in between the songs and she talks about the generations of women in her family that have been cheated on and she goes – ‘What luck. What a fucking curse!”
Taynement: Way to get Beyonce in!
Leggy: lmaooo. I watched the Lemonade movie after this book! I really enjoyed this book, and it was a great book club pick. I think I gave it 5 stars.
Have you guys heard about this one? Have your read it? Let us know in the comments!
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