We Chit Chat – Blessings by Chukwuebuka Ibeh

“It’s one thing to love a child, but it’s an entirely different thing for the same child to feel loved. A home is the last place a child should feel conditionally loved.”

Leggy: I remember seeing this book months ago on Bookstagram. An Asian content creator popped up on my feed talking about this book and I sent it to you and suggested we read this.

Taynement: Yep! It was a book by a Nigerian author being spoken about by a non-Nigerian and it piqued my interest because something I always talk about is wondering how people who aren’t familiar with the culture digest books about Nigeria.

Leggy: This book follows Obiefuna, who was born into a lower middle-class family in Nigeria. His peculiarities make him the black sheep of his family and when his father finds him in an intimate position with another boy, he ships him off to seminary school.

Taynement: To be clear – his peculiarities to them were the fact that he loved to dance and wasn’t particularly good at sports but in reality, he was gay. Obiefuna was a rainbow baby after his mother suffered many losses. He turned out to be a golden child, and his parents attributed their successes to his birth, and he held a special place in his mother’s heart. His father makes the sole decision to ship him off after finding him in a compromising position with a male apprentice without letting his mother know the reason why.

Leggy: This is one of the best books I’ve read this year. I think what makes it so impactful is how quiet and not exaggerated it is. Every time I thought the author was going to make an outrageous choice he always chose something different. And I think the quiet choices make this book even more powerful because you recognize the characters. You know this would absolutely happen in Nigeria. There’s no exaggeration to pull you out of the story and other Obiefuna’s humanity.

Taynement: Yes, it was very realistic, and I agree that it was quiet and not exaggerated. It’s funny because some other books that I have as my faves this year share those same characteristics.

Leggy: What did you think about his experience in boarding school?

Taynement: I think it was true to form. I chuckled when his dad chose that as a form of punishment because it was almost predictable that he would explore his sexuality there. I would say though that I had my heart in my throat the entire time because I kept expecting him to be raped especially when he built a connection with Senior Papilo.

Leggy: Exactly. I was like sending your son to an all-boys school because he’s gay is a choice. That’s something I loved about this book. I thought Senior Papilo was going to rape him as well but that never happened. The author never made any shocking choices and that choice would have been expected.

Taynement: But again, another reason I liked this book is also showing how flawed our parents’ generation was in parenting. They just did not have the tools. His dad thought he was doing his best. Another way that this manifested in the book is when Uzoamaka (Obiefuna’s mother) visited the hospital with Anozie (Obiefuna’s father) and the nurse makes the comment about him being a good man because he accompanied her to the hospital when most men wouldn’t. Anozie loved his family, and he was showing up for his wife.

Leggy: I do believe Anozie genuinely loved his family. He even tried to hide the fact that he found out Obiefuna was gay from his wife because he thought it would break his wife’s heart. When they finally had the discussion in the open and she told him where else would a boy like him be loved if not at home?

Taynement: I do think certain threads were left loose or maybe I did not pick up on their usefulness to the story. The two most prominent were – Ekene’s (Obiefuna’s brother) plot purpose and when Senior Papilo takes him to a brothel.

Leggy: I think Ekene served as a juxtaposition to Obiefuna.

Taynement: I get that, but I don’t know if it was well done. The juxtaposition didn’t seem to have any effect on Obiefuna? Basically, if he was left out of the story would it have affected my understanding of Obiefuna?

Leggy: It was because of him that Obiefuna even came in contact with any traditional masculine things. He would have never gone to the football field if Ekene did not exist. Also, even though Ekene was not that smart he was left in the private school while Obiefuna was moved to seminary school because of his gayness leading the private school to have a meeting with Uzoamaka inquiring why Obiefuna was moved.

Leggy: I also expected Obiefuna’s brother to turn on him at some point because he was portrayed as so macho and being complete opposite of him, but they actually stayed closer than I expected them to. When Obiefuna comes back from holiday and Ekene sings for him to dance. I thought that was such a touching scene.

Taynement: The scene where he tells Obiefuna to dance, do you think it was him acknowledging it? Ekene just seemed to be in the dark about a lot of things.

Leggy: I absolutely think he knew. And I think that scene was a way for him to acknowledge it without having that conversation especially from someone considered traditionally masculine. He was never going to confront it head on.

Leggy: Also, about Senior Papilo taking him to a brothel, honestly, I thought Papilo was gay the way he gathered all those young boys to himself, the way he treated them and the way they competed for his attention. So, when the brothel happened, I was confused. I was actually relieved that the boys just went to a brothel. I genuinely thought they were leaving the school to do something more sinister like armed robbery and that Obiefuna was going to get caught up in it. I was so relieved that that wasn’t the case that I didn’t even think about the brothel anymore. But I think it speaks to how straight men initiate younger boys into what they believe manhood is.

Taynement: Interesting. I do think Papilo is gay but wasn’t going to “give into it”. Papilo is one of those Nigerian men who will marry a woman and live a straight life and a part of me wondered if he was giving Obiefuna an out by taking him to the brothel.

Taynement: And something that struck me was up until the end of the book had Obiefuna actually had sex? He mentions touching and rubbing and we never really going into the nitty gritty of his relationship with the artist.

Leggy: They never described his actual sexual relationship with the artist. Only that he did a lot of drugs with him and I was so worried because obviously Obiefuna was depressed and grieving and I was worried about the path he was heading down. But he never had actual penetrative sex with the long-term boyfriend that comes after the artist.

Taynement: Overall, I think that is the beauty of this book. It was written so well, and it maneuvered from topic to topic so deftly and the story just flowed.

Leggy: This book culminates with the 2014 law that criminalized gay relationships with a hefty 14-year sentence. That was devastating to read about.

Taynement: It was a good balance of reality. I liked the fact that Obiefuna found a community because they do exist in Nigeria.

Leggy: And then when one of his friends was kitoed. By the way, this is an actual thing that happens in Nigeria and that’s when straight men pose as gay men on dating apps to lure gay men out and then they get beaten up, videos are made of them confessing to be gay and then they are robbed while law enforcement looks the other way.

Taynement: All in all, this was a fantastic, well-written book that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Leggy: Such a fantastic book. I loved it so much and it was an easy read.