“I wanted to hide, but I also wanted to be seen. Both things could be true.”
It’s crazy the things we experienced in real time that we kind of just shrugged or looked away from e.g when R. Kelly married Aaliyah when she was just 15. Britney’s ordeal is another thing that I can’t believe we lived through and just chucked it up to her being out of control until a few years ago when the ugly truth about her conservatorship came out and it was like “wow!”. When it was announced that she will be releasing her memoir, I knew I was going to be on it ASAP.
“The saddest part to me was that what I always wanted was a dad who would love me as I was—somebody who would say, “I just love you. You could do anything right now. I’d still love you with unconditional love.”
The biggest takeaway from this book is how much Britney’s family hated/hates her. Sounds like a strong choice of word but that is the best way to describe it. Britney starts the book by saying that “tragedy runs in her family”. Her grandfather passed down his traumas to her father which manifested in him being an alchoholic and not being kind to his family. She grew up in turmoil and music was her escape.
“I was quiet and small, but when I sang I came alive”
The book also conveys how much Britney enjoyed performing and how much it fed her soul. So when we get to the part when the conservatorship started and stripped her of this joy, it’s more palpable. We get to understand more of her mind state and how much grief and pain she was going through. And instead of creating a safety circle, her father and mother because if you say nothing, you are complicit, decide to exploit her and put her in a mental prison.
I did both the audio and read the book and it’s amazing how even though Michelle Williams voiced the audio, you can hear it in Britney’s voice. You have to look at the book as not a literary masterpiece, but as one long rebuttal from Britney to share her side of the story. She does a good job of letting us know all the events that led to the world thinking she was “crazy”. She makes mention many times of being like Benjamin Button and aging backwards mentally like a little girl, which makes more sense of why her Instagram is the way it is (plus regaining the freedom she lost).
It’s crazy that this lasted for 13 years. Britney doesn’t shy away from the details of all the unfortunate incidents in her life and my God, the paparazzi was relentless. Were there parts of the books that remained surface? yep. She doesn’t get into detail on getting with Kevin Federline while he had an 8 month pregnant girlfriend, just saying she didn’t know. But it happens again when she dated a paparazzo. I was interested to know more about her dating life while under the thumb of her father and in one case where her most recent husband, Sam Asghari was, when she went to the many unnecessary rehabs her dad whisked her to.
“If you stood up for me when I couldn’t stand up for myself: from the bottom of my heart, thank you.”
But she did all this for her babies because they kept dangling it as a threat. Also, once again we see how our legal system fails people. She wasn’t even against the conservatorship but just anyone but her father. It’s crazy how the “Free Britney” movement is what saved her and she specifically thanks her fans on this one. The book does not take into account her current divorce and she is full of praises for him in this book.
Overall, this was a quick easy read/listen that provides a different perspective. The book made me very, very sad because how can you be so wicked to your own flesh and blood. She’s just never had anyone in her corner and I wonder how she can proceed when she has clearly been looking for stability and love in her life and every single person keeps failing her. How do you trust anyone?
In one part, she mentions how everyone keeps saying that the conservatorship saved her life and she says physically, maybe but mentally, it crushed her soul. I hope she finds a way to move forward. If you’d like more Britney, the Britney vs. Spears documentary on Netflix puts faces to the names in the book.
Taynement
TwoNightStands 